Sunday, March 01, 2009

Meet yer Blogging Tories!

[Moved up a bit to get some extra, Sunday morning coverage.]

Lately, there's been some chatter here at CC HQ about moving to Wordpress. And switching to a better brand of bourbon, but that's neither here nor there. Um ... where was I? Bourbon. No, Wordpress.

So I says to myself (because that's what I call myself when I'm talking to myself), how should we do this carefully and meticulously and, above all, with the greatest possibility for totally disastrous consequences? Why, that's easy -- by getting things going with a test run. A "starter" blog, if you will.

Ladies and gentlemen -- meet your Blogging Tories.

Now, I know what you're thinking because I've rummaged through your trash and found the receipts. But this is going to be such fun, 'cuz here's the plan. We (and by "we," I mean all of us including you -- well, mostly you) are going to devote an entire blog to what I'm going to call the Blogging Tories' Greatest Hits. In short, post after post of what makes Stephen Taylor's BTs what they are today -- the most pathetic collection of anti-intellectual, feeble-minded racists, bigots, whiners, doughheads and douchebags you can cram together into a single aggregator before it goes critical in a massive explosion of stupid.

Each BT worth smacking will merit an entire post of, well, smack. And this is where you come in because we're going to divvy up the work. In your copious free time (since, as we all know, liberals are chronically unemployed and spend all their time lying on the couch snarfing pecan sandies and playing with themselves), you can lay claim to one of Stephen Taylor's stable of dweebs, dorks and shrews, and slowly and lovingly eviscerate them. I could go into detail but, what the hell, here's the gold standard to which we can all aspire. Yeah, it's intimidating but, what the hell, ya gotta shoot for the stars.

The point of all of this is actually journalistically meaningful -- to introduce to the world the underlying political philosophy of Canada's conservatives, to educate new readers to the thought processes of Stephen Taylor and his intellectual comrades, to ... no, no, really, it's just to mock them mercilessly and hold them up to the ridicule they so richly deserve. But there are rules. There are always rules. At least a couple.

First, everything has to be substantiated. Links are good. More links are better, because the best way to hang someone is by their own words.

And second, brutal honesty. You can't spin, or distort, or quote out of context. Unlike Stephen Taylor's collection of weaselly sycophants, we (and, again, by "we" I mean other people) will disembowel those deserving BTs solely based on an accurate portrayal of their own posts and comments. We will not misrepresent them. We won't need to. It would be redundant.

So, who's in? Feel free to select a BT you're going to go to town on. It's like adopting a pet, but with much less emotional investment. Me, I think I'm going to take care of one "Neo Conservative," mostly because he's going to be so little of a challenge. I mean, after I quote him 173 times making fun of murdered minorities, readers will almost certainly get the point I was trying to make.

So give it some thought, and we'll get this show on the road. And we'll get better bourbon, but you don't need to worry about that. It's not for you.

: To respond to RT's comment, if you decide to contribute a piece about a particular Blogging Tory, you'll get full credit for it on that piece, and you can certainly cross-post it at your own site -- we'll even link to it from that piece. And nothing says those posts can't be enhanced over time.


Sheena said...

I'm not a "liberal" or "progressive", but I am lazy. And like playing with myself. Can't you assign me one?

CC said...

Well, there's that "ChuckerCanuck" twatwaffle. He's pretty mockworthy, last time I looked.

Red Tory said...

Just a suggestion here.. If you want to make it a bit more inviting for people that already have their own blog (seeing as not all of us have copious amounts of free time, etc.), you might want to mention the idea of cross-posting.

Frank Frink said...

It's like adopting a pet

Did you forget the word 'rock' after the word 'pet'?

mikmik said...

Where does Denyse come in?

The Artful Nudger said...

Has someone laid claim to the Raging Tory yet? I've already picked a fight with him.

Fat Arse said...

@ Artful Nudger

I tried my best. But you go ahead - apparently all I did was make him laugh.

Fat Arse said...

@Artful Nudger

sorry - meant to include link:

Paladiea said...

I can't decide between Jay Currie and Raphael Alexander...

Red Tory said...

Can someone take out Gay & Wrong Fred? Shouldn't take long, he's another cut n' paster for the most part with two obsessions: global warming (doesn't exist) and Islamofascism (is everywhere!!!).

Possibly the world's most boring blogger. Ever.