Pardon us while we, like, totally re-calibrate our right-wing whackjob-o-meters:
Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish
Autopsy: Pastor found in wet suits after autoerotic mishap
OCTOBER 8--An Alabama minister who died in June of "accidental mechanical asphyxia" was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report. Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge's death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking). While the Montgomery Advertiser, which first obtained the autopsy records, reported on Aldridge's two wet suits, the family newspaper chose not to mention what police discovered inside the minister's rubber briefs.
I'm sorry ... there's just no way we can't go there, is there?
There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.
Don't you miss the old days when a blowjob in the Oval Office involving consenting adults was enough to send the entire country into fits of gibbering, moralistic panic? Yes, those were good times, weren't they?
AFTERSNARK: The comments, oh, dear God, the comments.