Saturday, November 24, 2007

Yeah, that's a bad sign.

(CC News) -- In a disturbing development, it's been revealed that there are five times as many brain-injured U.S. soldiers as had been previously reported by the Pentagon.

"Yes, it's worrying," said a Pentagon spokesman, "and we're not sure how we got the numbers so wrong. To be off by a factor of five -- that's really quite unconscionable."

When asked about the protocol for identifying potential brain damage, the spokesman replied, "Well, there are a number of quite sophisticated tests, but the most effective is to simply ask the soldier his opinion of President George W. Bush. Anyone who claims to approve of his performance has quite clearly suffered massive brain trauma. It's quite sad, really, to think of the damage necessary to produce that reaction. There's really nothing we can do for those poor bastards, other than make them comfortable and keep them stocked with copies of the National Review and the latest Jonah Goldberg columns."

In mostly-unrelated news, the number of troops being classified as emotionally and psychologically disturbed has also spiked drastically, based on the number of returning soldiers who think right-wing screech harpy Ann Coulter is "hot."


E in MD said...

I can tell you how it happened.

They'll claim it's an error but it's not incompetence. It's conspiracy. There's a distinct difference. Even a hillbilly like me can figure that one out. Hyuk.

Miss Cellania said...

Not so far from the truth. If you are wounded in action, there's a good possibility that you will be retroactively diagnosed with pre-existing brain condition. That way the military won't have to pay for your therapy.