Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Time to out some CIA agents. Ready ... set ...

Hey, folks! Are you currently pissed with the American government? Do you have some really nifty, top-secret, super-duper undercover information on, say, some CIA spies you'd love to spill without getting into serious shit, like felony charges of treason? No problem.

Apparently (according to the latest GOP-inspired spin), White House hitman Karl Rove didn't really commit a crime because, you see, when he outed Ambassador Joe Wilson's wife Valerie Plame as a covert CIA operative, that was OK since he didn't actually refer to her by name.

Yes, apparently, that makes all the difference. So, rather than ridicule this self-serving spin for the utter codswallop that it is, why not take those lemons and make lemonade out of it? Let us declare open season on covert CIA operatives, who you can now out with impunity as long as you don't actually use their names.

Don't say, "John Q. Smith works for the CIA." That would be oh so wrong, and you would get into a world of trouble. Instead, say, "The man who lives at 1234 Main Street and claims to work at World Travel is a covert CIA operative." See how easy that is?

Don't say to the assembled press, "Fred Jones over there is a deep-cover, Middle East spy." No, rather say, "See that man over there? The one just coming out of the building, wearing the trench coat? No, not the blonde, the dark-haired man next to him. Yeah, that one. CIA spy. Trust me." And so on.

You get the idea, it's not hard. And, most importantly, don't listen to those gloom-and-doom whiners at the CIA who will probably just go on and on and tediously on about how you're jeopardizing the lives of loyal American citizens. Hey, you're not the one who proclaimed open season on them, are you? They can thank the White House for that.

(By the way, it might be fun to ask Scott McClellan at the next gaggle whether this sort of behaviour is within the law but, last time I checked, he really wasn't talking about it. Pity. I'd bet he'd really want to discourage this sort of thing but, hey, it's pretty much "No comment" for him these days, isn't it?)

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