Sunday, November 13, 2005

Nuance? We don't NEED no steenkin' nuance.

In his book "Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel," Scott Adams makes fun of business forecasting by pointing out the difference between what someone says, and what your brain insists on hearing. As Adams writes, if your company's product is a beverage made of turpentine, and this is what is said:

If war breaks out between Switzerland and Sweden and there's a shortage of rubber and someone invents a way to turn turpentine beverages into tires, and all other turpentine manufacturers go out of business at once, we could sell two million cases of our soft drink sometime during the next century.

then this is what you hear:

We're selling two million cases. No doubt about it.

See what happened there? All caution, all reservation, all nuance ... gone. Totally gone. Which brings us to the right-wing wankersphere and how amusingly they fit into a Dilbert joke, as we recall the actual details and nuance of Senator John Kerry's vote for the Iraq war (emphasis on nuance added):

"As the President made clear earlier this week, ``Approving this resolution does not mean that military action is imminent or unavoidable.'' It means ``America speaks with one voice.''

Let me be clear, the vote I will give to the President is for one reason and one reason only: To disarm Iraq of weapons of mass destruction, if we cannot accomplish that objective through new, tough weapons inspections in joint concert with our allies.

In giving the President this authority, I expect him to fulfill the commitments he has made to the American people in recent days--to work with the United Nations Security Council to adopt a new resolution setting out tough and immediate inspection requirements, and to act with our allies at our side if we have to disarm Saddam Hussein by force. If he fails to do so, I will be among the first to speak out.

If we do wind up going to war with Iraq, it is imperative that we do so with others in the international community, unless there is a showing of a grave, imminent -- and I emphasize ``imminent'' -- threat to this country which requires the President to respond in a way that protects our immediate national security needs."

Make sure you appreciate all of Kerry's nuance and qualifiers, then notice how cavalierly Bush promises he's going to sell those two million cases of turpentine beverage:

In his strongest defense yet of his Iraq war policies, Bush quoted Kerry as saying he voted to give the president approval to wage war because weapons of mass destruction in the hands of
Saddam Hussein would be a grave threat

Which, as you now know, is complete crap. And you are so not surprised.

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