Rancid, lying Conservatives: The Brenda Martin Chronicles.

Let's check out the most recent lies:

Harper's spokesperson refused to discuss the phone call with Calderon, although he did not deny that the conversation took place.

"In two years we have had over 100 contacts with [Brenda] Martin and continue to raise her case up to and including the president of Mexico," Dimitri Soudas told The Canadian Press.

Yes, let's take a look at that overwhelming concern, shall we (all emphasis added)? Here:

Ottawa has sent a diplomatic protest note to Mexico. Norlock said Harper was considering the best way to help Martin, but worried about meddling in Mexico's justice system.

And here:

The political blame for this disgrace lands squarely at the feet of the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs, Helena Guergis. She claims Canadian consular officials have been in contact with Ms. Martin more than 75 times and that the Canadian government has taken steps to ensure she receives regular medical attention.

In January, Ms. Guergis travelled to Mexico and met with that country's attorney-general, foreign minister and other officials and asked for Ms. Martin's legal proceedings to be expedited. Despite being 20 minutes from Ms. Martin's prison cell, she did not visit her. "That's not my job. There are 13 Canadians in Mexican jails and if I visit one, I have to visit them all," she said in an interview last night. "It's not my job to meet them -- it's my job to advocate for them."

And here:

Norlock is the MP for Northumberland Quinte West, which includes Trenton.

When he was approached by a Canwest News Service reporter in February 2007 for the first story about Martin's imprisonment, he told the reporter he had reviewed her file and said she belonged in prison.

He then abruptly hung up and did not return subsequent calls.

And, at no extra charge, this:

Deb Tieleman, Martin’s best friend, and [Martin’s Toronto lawyer, Guillermo] Cruz Rico met with Helena Guergis in Ottawa early this month to discuss what should be done to help Ms. Martin. Despite Martin’s repeated calls to Tielman’s cell phone during the meeting Ms. Guergis refused to talk to Martin.

Yes, the concern and compassion simply oozes off the screen, doesn't it? And, at no extra charge, there's this:

Ms. Guergis claims that Canadian consular officials based in Mexico have been in contact with Ms. Martin over 75 times either in person or by telephone.

In a phone interview with T.V.’s W5 hostess Paula Todd, Brenda Martin was shocked at Guergis’ claim about help from Canadian consular officials in Mexico.

"I just can’t believe that Helena Guergis has the gall to say what she’s said,” stated Martin. Guergis repeatedly declined W5’s request for an interview on the matter.

In other words, Guergis is both incompetent and a liar. Oh, and a useless cunt. Let's not forget that part, either.

P.S. You have to love this snippet from that original link:

But [Jason] Kenney and Ontario MP Rick Norlock will be the first Conservative MPs to visit Martin in prison. They are scheduled to leave today on the two-day visit, CP reports.

"They intend to check up on her health, let her know that officials at the highest level are focused on her case, and ensure that any immediate needs are being taken care of," one government source told CP.

Don't worry, Brenda -- they've got top men working on your case. Top. Men. That would include Rick Norlock, who has already stated on the record that Martin belonged in prison, and Jason Kenney, who can't tell the difference between a TV station and a magazine.

If only Helena Guergis had gone along, the ironic, contemptuous dismissal of Martin's situation would have been hilariously complete. A trifecta of useless stupid, as it were.

THE LIES, THE LIES, THE GLORIOUS LIES: Like me, do you notice anything a bit odd about a couple of the claims above? There's this one:

"In two years we have had over 100 contacts with [Brenda] Martin and continue to raise her case up to and including the president of Mexico," Dimitri Soudas told The Canadian Press.

Who exactly is "we?" The Stephen Harper Party of Canada? The Canadian consulate in Mexico? Both combined? And over 100 contacts? Really? Given that Martin has been in prison for about two years, that would make one contact per week on average. Does anyone actually believe anybody has been checking up on her that regularly?

And there's useless cunt Guergis, apparently pulling numbers out of her worthless ass:

Guergis claims Canadian consular officials have been in contact with Ms. Martin more than 75 times and that the Canadian government has taken steps to ensure she receives regular medical attention.

Really? More than 75 consular contacts? How odd, given the following (emphasis added):

Martin has been in jail awaiting trial for two years and two months in Guadalajara -- for the first 18 months without any official contact from anyone at Canada's consulate in the city.

Which means (and I'll do the math for you since some of you readers might be conservatives or law students) that those consular officials must have been chatting with Martin on average every third day to get to that figure, after having ignored her for a year and a half.

But, really, does anyone seriously believe either of those claims above? Which inspires the following question -- is there any way to verify them? Useless cunt Guergis claims a consular contact figure of "over 75". Are there phone logs? Visit logs? Is the consulate required to keep track of that sort of thing for diplomatic or legal reasons? And will some enterprising journalist call useless cunt Guergis on that claim, ask her from where she produced that figure, and try to verify it one way or the other?

By God, but where's Boy Detective and Krime Kracker Kid Steve Janke when you need him? Oh, never mind ... he's probably off obsessing over a dead Oriental in Vancouver. So ... anyone else? Anyone? Bueller?

Kady O'Malley -- your country needs you.

AH, THERE WE GO: Reading more carefully, I've sort of answered one of my own questions:

Martin’s Toronto lawyer, Guillermo Cruz Rico, said that a review of the legal file showed that consulate officials were notified of Martin’s incarceration on Feb. 18, 2006, but it was not until Dec. 14, 2007, that a representative made official inquiries to the Mexican court about her legal status.

And note well that a simple inquiry to the Mexican court does not constitute actual contact with Martin -- it constitutes merely a query about her. So one still wants to know from where Guergis got her figure of 75 actual consular contacts with Martin.

Or one can simply assume that Guergis is a lying sack of crap. Given that she's a member of the CPoC, that's generally a safe bet to make.

ONE LAST TOWEL SNAP TO THE NADS: I realize I've linked to this before, but go read this. It's a scathing evisceration of the Stephen Harper Ship of Fools and Twatwaffles. And it's from the National Post.

Think about that. How much of a total clusterfuck must the Conservatives have created for even their most sycophantic media groupies to finally turn on them and rip them a new orifice?

Think about it.