Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Punk'd.


It seemed like a moderately funny gag with minor potential entertainment value: Write a horrifically tasteless post, wait for the inevitable fuming, sputtering, frothing outrage from whatever members of Canada's Idiot-sphere were sufficiently clueless to fall for it, then quietly point out that I had done nothing more than emulate their current hero, Ann Coulter:

John Hawkins: You've caught a lot of heat for a couple of quotes you made. In your column three days after 9/11, you said, "We know who the homicidal maniacs are.They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." You also said in an interview with the New York Observer, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Do you stand by those quotes or do you think that perhaps you should have phrased them differently?

Ann Coulter: Ozzy Osbourne has his bats, and I have that darn "convert them to Christianity" quote. (Thank you for giving the full quote. I have the touch, don't I?) Some may not like what I said, but I'm still waiting to hear a better suggestion.

RE: McVeigh quote. Of course I regret it. I should have added, "after everyone had left the building except the editors and reporters."

(I even e-mailed the rest of the contingent here at CC HQ, warning them not to take offense to that post as I was going somewhere with it so just be patient.)

Yes, it would have been amusing to catalog the outrage, only to point out the raving hypocrisy contained therein. But, in retrospect, that gag seemed destined for failure. It was simply too obvious.

Why would I, after railing against eliminationist rhetoric all these many months, suddenly jump into it waist-deep myself? You'd think that would make someone suspicious. Then there was my blatant taunting at the end of that post -- kind of a dead giveaway, wouldn't you say? You'd have to be fairly stupid to have missed that. And then there were the commenters.

I had to frantically delete the first comment from a regular commenter, who perkily congratulated me on how well I reproduced Coulter's death-speak. Grrrrrrrr. But when Niles followed up, I figured, fine, there's no way I'm going to be able to ride herd on that thing so, screw it, I'll let commenters give the game away entirely and see what happens.

Which brings us to the obvious question -- who in the Canadian Idiot-sphere, given every possible clue that this was a prank, and with even my commenters explaining it to them, would still have the required level of screaming, cementheaded retardedness to fall for this, hook, line, sinker, tackle box and copy of Angling Times? Ladies and gentlemen, behold:



That's right, kids -- even when the entirety of Stephen Taylor's Special Education class had the sense to smell a prank when someone clubs them over the head with it, Canada's favourite mullet walked face-first into the woodchipper.

That comment was deleted but, surprisingly, I wasn't the one who deleted it. Fuck, no, I wanted the evidence of Twatsy's douchebagitude, so one of my trusty co-bloggers must have done it. Luckily, I'd already taken a screenshot since I assumed that, in an increasingly rare moment of lucidity, the Twatster would suddenly wake up sweating, realized he'd just made a planet-wide ass of himself, and dash back to delete the proof. Too late, though. And, for the true amusement value, I left the remaining comments up there but, yes, I will delete any more from Kid Thunderbolt Cash Assholery Twatsitude Mulletbrain.

The only remaining entertainment value will come from Twatsy desperately trying to salvage his dignity while people from coast to coast are laughing hysterically at him. But he can do that on his own blog. I'm already going to have to fumigate here.


25 comments:

sooey said...

I think we should put all the rich in a big plastic bag, toss it into the tarsands and then set the tarsands on fire.

Noni Mausa said...

Heh. Rather than frantically removing his own comment, Patrick dived on in and covered himself in more clueless gravy. Behold!

Blogger Patrick Ross said...

Sure, Robbie.

Just keep on pretending that deleting my comments changes anything about your eliminationist rhetoric.

Does that false sense of security feel rather fleeting right about now, stalker boy?


Hee. Hee. And there's quite a lot more.

Kelseigh said...

I find it truly hard to believe that anyone not suffering severe brain damage would look at that post and not immediately realize that's what you were doing. Seriously, putting a big THIS IS A JOKE MAKING FUN OF ANN COULTER banner on top would have made it less obvious.

Twatsy's gotta be in this purely for the attention, nobody's really that stupid, right? Right?

Please tell me I'm right.

Dr.Dawg said...

Amazing bit of angling, there. Not only did you land a fat trout, you even landed the very fat trout you set out to catch!

My sides are still sore.

CC said...

Dawg:

Let me assure you that I never set out to bag the mullethead trout. I figured that, given the savage spanking he gets every time he shows up here, he would have finally learned. Alas, no. His capacity for swaggering up, then punching himself firmly in the face knows no bounds.

Sparky said...

It's purely spectacular! Or at least a spectacle...
I am in awe--his ignorance knows no bounds...

thwap said...

LOL!!! ROTFLMFAO!

David said...

I could have sworn that Patrick was told to stay down. Stay down Patty.

Niles said...

Sorry, CC. I presumed it was another of your juxtapositions.

Zorpheous said...

should have used the keyboard cat version,

CC said...

No problem, Niles ... the fact that you so blatantly gave it away and Twatsy still fell for it makes it even funnier.

Sparky said...

What really shows he knows he's been punk'd is that there's no reference--at all--on his website (I go there so y'all don't have to suffer).
Had he thought he was 'one up' on CC, this would have been the lead posting on his blog with plenty of yippage of 'i winz!!!'
However, silence on this front from Pattie. No, he'd rather this all go away--just like the ever expanding litany of things he's been so completely and idiotically wrong about...
My favourite bit of 'truthiness' from Patrick recently--
After all, Baglow is not a complete idiot. But in his urge to try to score points against the opposing ideological camp, he has argued something truly idiotic.

Those things happen. But until he's willing to admit the extent of his error, there's no reason why he should be simply courteously allowed off the hook.

John Baglow conducts himself without intellectual honesty or intellectual dignity. Thus, he receives no quarter. None

Coming from Pattie... wow! Lack of self awareness is all over that...

Dr.Dawg said...

No quarter

LOL! ROTFLMAO!!!!

Scotian said...

I've been gone for two years and even I understood what you were doing CC, it wasn't as if you ever thought much of eliminationist rhetoric when I was still active in the blogosphere, and with the visit of the AC which never cools to this country and the reaction to her presence from both her detractors and supporters I thought it was obvious what you were doing. That *ANY* person could have taken it seriously, even the one who did is a new low in my books where basic intelligence and comprehension skills are concerned. That he has turned around in that thread and tried to claim victory with all that "mud" on this face is no surprise, it just further proves his disconnect to anything remotely resembling realty. Indirect election, geez, you can argue anything works by an indirect means regardless of any connection to reality, what a stunning piece of idiocy even by the standards of the author in question.

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity"* appears to have been perfectly designed to describe the author in question in this post of CC's.

*Quote attributed to Robert A Heinlein's character Lazarus Long

Dr.Dawg said...

Scotian! Welcome back! How's the ticker?

Scotian said...

DD:

It's been stable for the past year for the most part, otherwise I would have stayed away longer. I hated having to take as long a break as I did but I would have hated not taking care of myself even more, and the level of Cassandra stress this Harper government has caused for me was incredible. I'm still starting back slowly but I will be appearing now and then, thanks for the welcome back, take care.

Lindsay Stewart said...

You've been missed Scotian!

sooey said...

Ferchrissakes, I just posted that the rich should be stuffed into a plastic bag, tossed into the tarsands and the tarsands litt on fire. Have you people no humanity?

KEvron said...

well, i've got egg on my face. i should have realized something was up when twatsie's comment went unattended. glad i kept my own to two words; had many more in mind.

KEvron

KEvron said...

....heh. i pranked kkkate once. after she banned me for the umpteenth time, i sent her an "apology", and in it i sugested that it would humiliate me for it to be published. she did, acrosticized "fuck you, kate" and all!

K
E
v
r
o
n

sooey said...

Mature.

KEvron said...

kkkate sets the bar.

KEvron,

CC said...

Sparky opines:

"What really shows he knows he's been punk'd is that there's no reference--at all--on his website (I go there so y'all don't have to suffer).
Had he thought he was 'one up' on CC, this would have been the lead posting on his blog with plenty of yippage of 'i winz!!!'
However, silence on this front from Pattie. No, he'd rather this all go away--just like the ever expanding litany of things he's been so completely and idiotically wrong about...
"

There is no chance that Patrick will accept that he was punk'd. Give him time, and he will eventually -- after much tortured parsing of the English language -- come up with a bizarre re-interpretation of reality wherein he bested all of us. Just wait.

Truly, he has a dizzying intellect.

Sparky said...

Oh he did it--finally... after our collective 'goading'...
See, somehow you're Ashton Kutcher without Demi Moore... or Bruce Willis... or somesuch... and that's why he won.
Yeah, I can't parse it out, either.
Patrick's blog--I read it so you don't have to suffer thru it...

CC said...

Wait ... after getting humiliated in front of the entire bloggysphere, Twatsy actually blogged about this??? Don't tell me -- "Victory is mine!", he cried. Or some similar total debasement of reality.

Whatever.