At the risk of embarrassing myself, I'm going to admit that I truly, sincerely don't get this unabashed, drooling love affair that right-wing wanks have with Israel. Seriously, I don't get it at all so perhaps someone can enlighten me.
Consider, for instance, Canada's wanks. First, I doubt most of them have ever been to Israel, so it's not like this slobbering adulation is based on personal experience of any kind.
More to the point, it's not like these people even like Jews. I mean, they go on and on and tediously on about supporting "Israel" while at the same time being virulently anti-Semitic, what with their "Jews control the banks" and "Jews control Hollywood" and "Hey, wasn't the Holocaust a hoot?" In fact, I'm guessing most of those conservative dingbats don't even know any Jews, so we can't look there for an explanation.
Perhaps it's based on some sort of international geopolitical issues. Yeah, as if. These are, after all, some of the stupidest human beings imaginable so it's safe to assume that their panty-moistening longing for Israel doesn't come from any deeply intellectual analysis of worldwide political dynamics.
Perhaps, maybe, it's just a laudable supporting position for the underdog, the underprivileged, the downtrodden, which no doubt explains their unswerving public support for, say, East Timor and the like. No, I'm fairly sure that explains very little. And if we want to make a religious argument, well, that gets kind of awkward given that whole "Dirty Jews killed our Saviour" thing from some time back. So ... what's left?
Well, there's the frighteningly obvious -- that said wanks really and truly don't give a rat's ass about Jews but care deeply about Israel because, um, it's purely in their mind-numbing, deluded, batshit crazy self-interest:
The Rapture Factor
Why conservative Christians' love of Israel is intertwined with the Battle of Armageddon
Evangelical Christians have overwhelmed the White House switchboard in recent weeks with phone calls urging President Bush to continue supporting Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon. In early May, more than 250 Christian leaders attended a prayer breakfast at the Israeli embassy. Last week, former Christian Coalition chairman Ralph Reed announced the formation of a Christian "Stand for Israel" campaign.
There have been many recent media reports of this "strange bedfellows" relationship between Jews--here and in Israel--and the conservative Christians who love them, especially since the relationship seems to be influencing government policy. Some have explained it as a result of the declining dependence on Arab oil, which meant leaders here needn't be as allied with Arab countries. Others suggest that after Sept. 11, Americans felt an immediate, gut-wrenching identification with Israelis, who have lived with the Muslim militant threat for decades.
But the least understood, and probably most important, reason has been missed by most secular analysts. Evangelicals support Israel because of biblical prophecy, including passages that tie the survival of Israel to the Second Coming of Jesus.
And even though this rationale really, really creeps me out, frankly, I can't think of a better reason. Is it truly that simple? "I support Israel because I am a deranged, religious whackjob waiting for the Rapture." Is that it? Because beyond that analysis, I have to say, absolutely nothing else makes a lick of sense.