Friday, August 08, 2008

Flash! Breaking News... John Edwards is a Cock Noggin

Earlier today I was at the gym doing cardio and gawking at the tellie. They had it parked on CNN with news that Russia had attacked Georgia. Open conflict in that unstable region, great, just what the world needs. I figured that I'd finish my workout to the endless repetition of images of explosions and armoured vehicles. But no, twas not to be. For that tale got wiped right off the old screen by the breaking news that John Edwards had indeed had adulterous sex with a woman. The remainder of my workout took place under the cathode light of this tawdry news. Now I'll admit that, as a male, there is a very insistent little voice in the old trousers that often seems to usurp control of the self. There is good reason that some refer to the masculine reproductive apparatus as the dumb stick. Edwards is not alone in his indiscretion. Lots and lots of people cheat on their spouses. And as much as men are labeled dogs for their pursuit of conjugality, it should be noted that in the hetero universe, they're doing all this bucking and snuffling with someone. The ladies ain't immune from carnality.

What separates the Edwards news from run of the mill sordid fuckery is his public profile. The fool was running for the Democratic nomination. Did he honestly believe that in today's crotch snuffling political climate that an extramarital affair would remain a secret? Has he actually met any Republicans? What a fucking idiot. The optics are just terrible on this. Not only did he cheat on his wife (while she fights a serious cancer) but he lied about it repeatedly. Edwards seemed like a good candidate, clean cut, all American, white bread, nice guy. And now, after taking advice from the evil, blind trouser mole his political career is toast and he gave the screeching Jeeziz gang a stick to wallop liberals with. Way to go moron. The allegedly left leaning press is going to play this into the frickin' ground. Too bad he wasn't buying time on hookers for diaper duty or hitting on strangers in public toilets or paying for buggery and meth with collection box cash. 

On the other hand, Dennis Kucinich handed Bush-enabling milquetoast Nancy Pelosi a petition with 100,000 names calling for the impeachment of America's crooked president. Funny, while Obama is rolling over and playing to the middle, wishying and washying all over the damn place, Dodd and Kucinich are actually leading and fighting for justice and for the constitution (which from this Canadian's point of view is a pretty damned impressive and worthy document). The Democrats could have had a great candidate in Dodd or a great but less telegenic one in Kucinich. Regardless, Edwards would still be a cock noggin for not keeping it in his britches and then for lying about it.

31 comments:

Raphael Alexander said...

lol, for once we agree on quite a bit.

Sheena said...

His hair screamed 'untrustworthy'. Sheena smelled this one coming 4 years ago. NEVER underestimate the message of Holiday Inn Loung American guy hair. It transcends political leanings and whispers "do me no one's looking and what happens on the road stays on the road"

Sheena said...

Lounge with an 'e'

Scruffy Dan said...

I don't really care all that much. Who a politician bangs is really not a big deal... though it is funny when it is an anti-gay politician involved in a homosexual 'encounter'.

Sheena said...

No, the perfect sainted husband with the dying wife fucking the video bimbo is up there too.

Ti-Guy said...

C'mon, Sheena...the screaming hypocrisy adds extra flavour, don't you think?

LuLu said...

And you can fuck off three times, RA, you hypocritical, passive-aggressive attention whore.

Sweet dancing Jesus, I'm bitchy when I'm sick.

Red Tory said...

Perhaps we should demand that all future candidates be certified eunuchs.

Dr.Dawg said...

Frankly I don't understand, much less sympathize with, this outpouring of barely-disguised Puritanism on the Left.

Step back. Who gives an aerial fornication? Seriously. "The whole shithouse is going up in flames," and we think penile insertion is even worth discussing? Crying out loud, we know the Americans are a grossly backward nation where the sight of one of Janet Jackson's nipples produces a national outcry and a hefty fine, but why the hell should we jump in this game?

I guess I'm a minority of one on this, but I didn't care if Monica swallowed and I sure as heck don't care what Edwards did with his one-eyed trouser snake, just so long as everything was consensual.

Night, all.

Frank Frink said...

Yeah, I'm pretty much with Dawg here. And that's the way it is in most countries.

If I would be upset with anything at all it ain't the laying, it's the lying about it.

Oh, and maybe the fact that the same Jeeziz gang all atwitter about this will still vote for Grampy McSame who, after all, did pretty much the same thing - cheating on disabled wife #1 with now wife #2. And he calles her trollop and cunt.

All fucking hypocrites.

Speaking of hypocrites... we have Raph, the most obsequiously phony individual I've ever come across in either cyber or meatspace. Yeah, no secret that I dislike you very much, Raph. Best of all, you'be been busted here.

No, LuLu, no need to apologize for any perceived bitchiness. When it comes to Raph, don't hold back.

Raphael Alexander said...

lulu, my active aggressive dove, I refer to your blogmate and original devotee to the style of snark you all emulate so mindlessly: CC.

I actually find PSA's writing quite good when he's not off on some tangential excursion to wrastle up some non-controversy, or find social inequities in the corridors of our human rights tribunal guarded politically correct workplaces. If he were to start his own blog, it'd probably be worth a look or three.

Raphael Alexander said...

Frank Frink, I think you left the needle exchange centre a tad prematurely.

Heroin is a terrible drug.

Frank Frink said...

Forgot something...

Raph, I'll gargle with hydrochloric acid before I ever say a kind word about you, and I'll never gargle with hydrochloric acid. You phony, sanctimonious hack.

Hasn't PSA already laid the smackdown on you. On more than one occasion?

As for your rather tasteless 'joke' Raph. Fuck off and die so I can savour the moment I piss on your grave.

Anonymous said...

Um, I have no idea what is going on here, because as soon as I read "...They had it parked on CNN with news that Russia had attacked Georgia. Open conflict in that unstable region, great, just what the world needs." I went surfing looking for more news on it...

Georgia, Russia fight over South Ossetia


Americans are seriously fucked if news of some extra curricular activity of an elected official is trumping a new war in eastern Europe.

Raphael Alexander said...

Are you sharing some of that compassionate liberalism we hear so much about?

You know the kind: helping people with other people's money?

You do sound like a typical leftist though. Schadenfreudeist to the bone. Sexual excitement about people dying: maybe you should apply to join the Church of Westboro Baptist. I hear they're in the area.

LuLu said...

*yawn*

Oh dear, it would appear we've hurt RA's tender feelings and his true nature is shining through. He's so terribly brave, isn't he? After all, he could be sucked into our "inverse black hole" of "ad hominens and omissions".

Speaking of which -- don't you have some feminists to blame for the breakdown of Western society as a whole, RA?

LuLu said...

And, for what it's worth, I agree with you entirely, Alpha.

Lindsay Stewart said...

hmm, perhaps i have failed the clarity test. as alpha notes i'm pissed that this petty garbage supplants actual news. and as frank notes, the next, um, bone of contention is not so much the affair but lying about it. and not only lying but doing so in the midst of the run up to an election. the hypocrits and deviants on raphael's side of the fence will carry on about this crap until the sun grows dim.

speaking of raphael, i don't care for your praise or agreement. you're a greased puke. take your pass aggressive bullsparkles and hop it, scram jackass.

Dr.Dawg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr.Dawg said...

"If I would be upset with anything at all it ain't the laying, it's the lying about it."

The only reason people lie about such trivia is that there is a veritable army of Mr. and Mrs. Grundy's who think these trivia aren't trivial at all and will do their best to level you to the ground if they find out you looked at a neighbour's wife sideways. For us to sigh about the lying is to ignore its cause--indeed, to reinforce it.

Ti-Guy said...

Why do you keep making such an obvious point, Dawg? People here aren't stupid. We all know this is an act of trivial import, as far as the rest of us are concerned anyway. The fact remains that American wingnut politics feed on this kind of stuff and John Edwards knew that perfectly well.

When Edwards was first asked about this, he should have been able to say it's nobody's business (and it really, really isn't). But that would have caused the smear machine to go into overdrive.

How can the Americans get "journalists" to stop asking questions like this or to stop them from engaging in character-assassination disguised as speculation?

Anonymous said...

This is actually funny compared to McCain who ditched his first wife because she was not as pretty when he returned from Vietnam and became a cripple....

Ti-Guy said...

That can't get any traction, though, since the the former Ms. McCain maintains she and John are still "good friends."

Anyway "Conservatives" become just like Jesus when they get the opportunity to forgive one of their own.

JJ said...

Dr. Dawg - With respect, the disappointment over this has nothing to do with being puritans or whatever.

It's the fact that Edwards knew he had this skeleton in his closet, but went ahead and campaigned for the Democratic Presidential nomination anyway, lying all the way. Had he won the nomination, and then this thing had come out (as it was certain to), it could have totally annihilated the Democratic Party's chances in November.

It's not about sex, it's about political optics.

Chet explains it better.

Dr.Dawg said...

Ti-Guy:

It doesn't seem to be that obvious a point given the number of posts I've seen at ProgBlog that are joining in the judgmental chorus.

Dr.Dawg said...

JJ:

The point is that, by criticizing Edwards rather than the bumpkins who judge him, we put ourselves on the side of the bumpkins.

KEvron said...

i'd just like to say, once again, that i'm so glad i wasn't the only one who saw through ralphie's bullshit veneer.

carry on....

KEvron

KEvron said...

"we put ourselves on the side of the bumpkins."

one thing the left has in common with the right is that they both feed on the left.

KEvron

That guy said...

Who gives an aerial fornication? Seriously.

The entire American media establishment, which already is trying as hard as it can to throw the election to McCain. Giving them this kind of lurid story to run with if you're a candidate is nuclear-grade stupid.

That guy said...

Too bad he wasn't buying time on hookers for diaper duty or hitting on strangers in public toilets or paying for buggery and meth with collection box cash.

He'd still have had to be a Republican to get away with it.

JJ said...

Dr. Dawg - "The point is that, by criticizing Edwards rather than the bumpkins who judge him, we put ourselves on the side of the bumpkins."

I see what you're saying, but that's not what we're doing.

Edwards isn't being criticized specifically because he had an affair -- he's being criticized because he knew he had something in his (not so distant) past that could have sunk the Democrats in November had he won the nomination, and ran for the nomination anyway.

No, it isn't right that a private matter should be enough to wreck a party's electoral chances, but that's the way it is. Sad to say, the bumpkins and the bumpkin media aren't about to change overnight and start being grownups about these things. Knowing that this is the way things work isn't siding with the bumpkins, it's being realistic about liability.