Wednesday, October 10, 2007

There's "raising the bar," and then there's ...


Pardon us while we, like, totally re-calibrate our right-wing whackjob-o-meters:

Dead Reverend's Rubber Fetish
Autopsy: Pastor found in wet suits after autoerotic mishap

OCTOBER 8--An Alabama minister who died in June of "accidental mechanical asphyxia" was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report. Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge's death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking). While the Montgomery Advertiser, which first obtained the autopsy records, reported on Aldridge's two wet suits, the family newspaper chose not to mention what police discovered inside the minister's rubber briefs.

I'm sorry ... there's just no way we can't go there, is there?

There is a dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

Don't you miss the old days when a blowjob in the Oval Office involving consenting adults was enough to send the entire country into fits of gibbering, moralistic panic? Yes, those were good times, weren't they?

AFTERSNARK
: The comments, oh, dear God, the comments.

9 comments:

Chet Scoville said...

Um, wow. I ... but ...

Jeepers.

Dr.Dawg said...

I don't understand why a dildo needs a condom. But it's early in the morning, and perhaps I just need a second cup of coffee.

Crabgräss said...

Dawg, it's because we don't know where it's been.

Oh, wait. We do know that.

Maybe it needs to have its own little wetsuit?

jj said...

Dawg - "I don't understand why a dildo needs a condom."

Elementary. He didn't want to get knocked up and have a baby dildo. Or have to get a dil-bortion.

Seriously, in the context of everything else that was going on there (two complete wetsuits?), I'd have been surprised if there wasn't a condom on the dildo.

Ti-Guy said...

Good Lord. What is it with men of the cloth and auto-erotic asphyxiation? The big scandal in the community where I have a farm is that the local Seventh-Day Adventist pastor was found dead wearing panties and a bag over his head.

Niles said...

Despite what the fundies are trying to say about condoms being spreaders of disease, it's recommended by every reputable sex advisor, including the ever blunt lady on late night cable, that if something is being inserted into a bodily orifice and you don't KNOW it's sterile, a fresh condom wrapper is a Good Thing tm. Some dildos are made up of substances porous enough to hold all sorts of biotes and incapable of being oh, run through a dishwasher.

Was this guy a known public proponent of controlling everybody else's sex lives from one of the theocracy-r-us churches? Other than that, (barring any misguided attempts to cover up actual criminal culpability to 'salve' the man's public rep) he just sounds like a latex/rubber fetishist who sadly lost to the odds of doing asphyxiation for the body rush. It's been rumoured the original lead singer of INXS passed on in a similar fashion.

Phyl said...

This is just...beyond anything...

As to the dildo having a condom, the first "Comments" link CC made has another possible answer a ways down.

E in MD said...

*snort*

*snerk*


BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

E in MD said...

Gods... Laughing so hard I'm crying.

Damnit! It's all Clinton's fault! Nobody ever had sex before Bill Clinton was in the white house!