Monday, January 01, 2007
Step right up, I got yer fifty bucks right here.
Apparently, 25 per cent of Americans are mentally retarded. No, wait ... that was unnecessarily cruel. More specifically, 25 per cent of Americans are apparently convinced that their Lord and Saviour (note correct Canadian spelling) will return sometime in 2007. And while it would be easy to just poke fun at these dingbats, I have a better idea. So here's what I'm gonna do.
If you seriously anticipate the second coming sometime in 2007, I want to make you a deal. I want you to sign over to me -- lock, stock and proverbial barrel -- absolutely all of your earthly possessions, effective Dec. 31, 2007. All of it -- house, car, bank accounts, the lot. After all, once Jesus hits town, it's not like you're going to need any of it, right?
In exchange, I'll give you fifty dollars. Cash. Right now.
What's not to like? All those material goodies won't do you any good come the end of the year, while you'll have fifty bucks to blow any way you want between now and then. I'll have a lawyer draw up the papers and, trust me, I'll make sure there aren't any loopholes.
So let's go. I'm not even remotely interested in your pious whining. If you're serious, put your money where your mouth is. The lines are open, operators are standing by. Who's going to be the first taker?