And over at Proud to be Canadian, we have a number of proud Canadians whose opening lines are enough to put you off your Wheaties. First, there's proud Canadian Rebecca Hagelin, who begins with:
If you’re one of the millions of people who have watched John Stossel’s incisive and hard-hitting reports on ABC’s 20/20 over the years, you know that he’s one of the best reporters in the business.
All right, then ... when any piece of literature starts by praising the journalistic talents of John Stossel, I think we can move on.
Next up, proud Canadian Ann Coulter:
Every sentient, literate adult knows ...
Whoa ... I'm pretty sure I don't need to read anything that tries to combine the concepts of Ann Coulter and sentient, literate adults, thanks very much.
Then there's proud Canadian Mike S. Adams:
I have a new favorite cigar.
At which point, I believe we are all thoroughly creeped out. Is it too early to start drinking heavily?