Tuesday, February 07, 2006
A child's fairy tale, in one act.
(In a session of Parliament, in the not-too-distant future, during a lull in the proceedings ...)
Liberal Leader: Hey, Gilles! Gilles! Over here!
Gilles Duceppe: Oui? Qu'est-ce que c'est? What do you want, you annoying Anglais?
LL: Jack and I have been talking, and we want to bring down the government the next chance we get, but we don't have the numbers. But if you help, it's a done deal. Whaddya think?
Duceppe: But why would I help you do dat, you irritating English person?
Jack Layton: Oh, come on, Gilles. We all know that you and Stephen have the numbers to pass any legislation you want but, let's face it, you know what happened in that last election. Steve waltzed into Quebec and poached a bunch of seats out from under you. We all know you're still a bit hacked off about that. This is your chance to get even. I mean, given how pissed off people are with Steve these days, I'm betting you could win most of those seats back.
Come on, Gilles, you know you want those seats back. I can smell it from over here.
Duceppe: Well, sure, but how do I know you guys won't try to win dem, eh?
LL: Well, Jack and I were chatting about that as well, and what we'll do is we'll give you a bunch of those ridings. Just flat out give 'em to you. Won't even run candidates in them. It doesn't get any easier than that, does it? That way, you'll only have to run against the CPC and, geez, you should be able to beat those folks with a carton of poutine tied behind your back, no?
Duceppe: Hmmmmm ... I like de sound of dat. You guys won't run any candidates at all, you say? How many ridings? Say, 30?
Layton: Oh, come on, Gilles, be reasonable. What about 10?
Duceppe: Don't make me laugh, Odie. 25?
LL: 15. Don't press your luck.
Duceppe: 20. And dat's my final offer, you English bed-wetting type.
Layton: Done. Been nice doing business with you.
Stephen Harper: Hey! What are you guys doing over there?? I heard that! That's collusion! That's ... that's ... tampering with the electoral process! That's unethical!!
All three: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Layton: Damn, I think I just wet myself.