Tuesday, December 27, 2005

The futility of illegal wiretapping.


In the Family Guy episode "There's Something About Paulie," Peter accidentally puts out a hit on his wife Lois and desperately looks for a way to have it called off. He visits the local mob front "pet store," where he waits patiently behind a customer who has the following conversation with the proprietor:

C: "I would like a 'bunny'.
P: "What kind of 'bunny'? A semi-automatic 'bunny' or a handheld 'bunny'?"
C: "Whatever 'bunny' you think is better for shooting a guy in the head."

See, regulars in the store suspect that the place is bugged so, naturally, they converse in code, a clever trick apparently unknown to the geniuses in the Bush administration.

From all indications, everyone involved in fighting the War on Terror™ seems to think that, if they wiretap like crazy, they'll eventually stumble upon the evil terrorists, who naturally engage in incredibly incriminating conversations like this:

Abdul: "So, Mohammad, did you get the timers for the dirty bomb we're going to blow up next to the Empire State Building tomorrow at 5 pm? Next to the south entrance?"
Mohammad: "Not yet. Farid will be delivering them to me this evening, at 8 pm, here at my apartment at 3254 West Smith Avenue."
Abdul: "Good, good. I hope there are no delays in that delivery. You know how Farid's job as a truck driver for Fed Ex in the Bronx sometimes calls for him to work overtime."

Apparently, in Bushworld, it's inconceivable that those nefarious terrorists might, oh, I don't know, converse in a predetermined code, something like the following (which is based on something I read on the net in the last day or two but failed to keep a record of so if someone can track it down, I'd like to give it proper credit):

'Fred': "Hi, 'John'. How's the installation of 'PowerPoint" going?"
'John': "Pretty well, 'Fred', but I still need to install a couple more 'plugins' before it's all finished."
'Fred': "Well, if you need any help, you might want to ask my friend 'Bill'. He's done this sort of installation before and he probably has all the 'plugins' you need."

And how can we know that the Bush administration really is this unspeakably clueless? Well, if you look at their recent successes in the War on Terror™, it seems that, these days, everyone is celebrating the thwarting of the "destruction" of the Brooklyn Bridge when, as it turns out, this alleged terrorist plot was little more than the unrealistic ravings of a mentally ill truck driver from Ohio who figured on bringing down the bridge with a blowtorch.

That's it? That's the defense for Bush's global war on civil liberties? The capture of a nut who had absolutely no hope of doing any damage? That's their shining moment in anti-terrorism? That's what Commander Chimpy trashed the Constitution for -- the capture of someone who was so deluded, he probably blabbed about his plan to waitresses at every truck stop he visited on the way? The mind reels. And the terrorists are almost certainly chuckling to themselves while they continue to chat openly about 'bunnies' and 'PowerPoint'.

I'd write more but I'm already running behind schedule. 'Hank' is coming over for 'dinner'. And he's bringing the 'dessert'. If you catch my drift.

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE: mahigan tracks down the inspiration for my little scenario here.

3 comments:

mahigan said...

":How is that computer problem you are having?
:Not good, i had to reinstall Adobe Photoshop last thursday.
:That sucks.
:Its working now, I should be finished Sunday.
:Great.

Translation: Send me more explosive on friday and i will have the weapon ready on next monday."

Hubris Sonic (http://www.demsjapan.jp/node/view/1435) via Steve Gilliard (http://stevegilliard.blogspot.com/2005/12/this-isnt-video-game.html)

oomithrandir00 said...

What a ridiculous post. This is the best objection you can come up with? That it's futile because they'll speak in code?

C'mof. There are better reasons to be against it than this stupid one. It implicitly grants that they are right to evesdrop if they can (or even cannot) crack the code. If acknnowledges that it's necessary to do in order to intercept the phone calls and such of terrorists.

Besides, cracking a code is a two step process.

Step 1: Intercept coded transmission.

Step 2: Crack code.

You apparently think they should intercept codes they can't crack, but then, how do they know until they try? You speak in 128bit encryption? Cuz that shits a fucking joke to them. You think calling Osama, ted, and a building a science project is gonna be a serious impediment?

thwap said...

good post.

re: the mentally disturbed trucker, i believe they tortured the already ill individual to obtain that "data" about taking out the brooklyn bridge with a blow torch.

re: bush II lover "ted nancy" ...
while you might be on to something there, cracking those codes [assuming the bushies are up to it] is a lot more difficult when you're spying on PETA, Quakers, peace marchers, Arabs who are Muslim, and assorted anarchist vegans, like the bush II regime is doing.

What's a "code" one has to track, and what's just conversation?

Arar's acquaintance had a map and he made "deliveries" because he was a delivery man. His map was downloaded from a government website.