Monday, September 12, 2005
Bush to visit Gulf Coast a third time for emergency photo op.
(CC News, Chapel Hill, NC) For the third time since Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast, President George Bush will personally visit the area to bolster his image, repair the political damage and get in the way of emergency relief efforts as much as possible.
While providing nothing whatsoever in the way of actual relief assistance, Bush will first interfere with emergency air rescue efforts by clearing out the local air space to allow Air Force One to fly in unhindered by local traffic.
Immediately upon touchdown, Bush will commandeer the services of the U.S. Navy's newest destroyer, the U.S.S. Halliburton, for essential photo opportunities, which will include pictures of Bush surrounded by hundreds of able seamen who would otherwise be engaged in actual rescue and relief work.
Bush and his entourage will then take charge of a number of Red Cross emergency vehicles to tour the most most devastated areas of New Orleans, during which the president is expected to look somberly and solemnly out of the windows while marveling at "all that water." Once this tour is over, the vehicles will be returned to the Red Cross to continue doing actual rescue work.
During the visit, Bush is scheduled to hug as many homeless, destitute victims of the storm as possible, in an effort to show that he doesn't mind actually touching poor people if it becomes politically necessary.
Explained Bush advisor Karl Rove when asked why a third visit had been planned, "Well, we did some polls and it turns out that, even after the first two visits, most people still hated George's guts. So we figured, what the hell, third time's a charm, right?"